I have exhausted all of my positivity for the month. With my smile and my optimistic outlook, I was able to look strong and feel strong. Without the strength to smile about the fact that I'm sitting here blogging by myself on Christmas Eve, I'm jus an eighteen year old kid who is too far away from her family. I've cried too many tears for December to handle and I want to yell and my skin or sweating because my mind cannot accept that it is 90 degrees on Christmas Eve. I want all the palm trees to turn into Christmas trees and I want to wake up on Christmad morning in my bed in Virginia. I miss the childish anticipation that Christmas puts into each one of us and I miss the complete and perfect happiness that comes from simply enjoying the company of those who have been put into your life. It's hard to enjoy fellowship when you're by yourself.
There are people around the school, of course, but Christmas here is a time to be busy. It's a time to travel ad to see as many friends as you can. Since I have no one to travel to or with, I am left watching faces (some familiar, others not so much) come to and fro as they enjoy their chaotic Christmas. For some reason I thought that Christmas here would be exactly like Christmas at home, except hotter. I thought families would stay close and that people would gather here and eat food and enjoy conversation and friends. Instead, parents are traveling to see their own parents while kids hang out with their friends. Some are enjoying beach trips or other day-long vacations that were planned in advance. I was unaware that all of this would be happening, so I neglected to make plans for myself. That's why I'm here, just blogging.
I know that Jesus is with me, and I know that there are people around and I know that I have friends. Don't worry, I'm not going to die of sadness (I don't think). I'll be fine. I just felt the need to tell you all that I'm exhausted and homesick and that, at last, there are no more positive spins for me to put on the situation that will make it anything other than: I'm feeling alone on Christmas and I miss my family.
I hope you appreciate your Christmas a little more than you would have before reading this.
much love ALWAYS, Christie
Hey Christie! I know everyone that reads this post wants to just fly on over to Africa and celebrate Christmas with you. But since that is not really an possible option for us, I just want to say that we are with you in Spirit, sister. We love you! And Jesus will always be enough to satisfy. Merry Christmas!!
ReplyDelete"I celebrate the day
that You were born to die
so I could one day pray for You to save my life."
Relient K :)
Aww dear Christie!!! I'm so sorry. I miss you! Here's a positive spin: You are storing up so much treasure in heaven right now. Man, this is truly a sacrifice for the sake of Christ. I know that could sound silly in comparison to other things, but I know how dear the experience of Christmas is to my heart and thinking about having to give that up is huge. But know that God sees it and will honor it. Merry Christmas, Christie. I love you :)
ReplyDeleteyou are dear friends. thank you for your encouragement and merry christmas!
ReplyDelete